Blessings · Disobedience · Gifts · Unbelief · Way

ugh… i missed it…

I think I missed it… a gift He wanted to give… when I chose fear instead of faith…

Walking past a waiting room… she caught my eye…

Maybe it was the hot pink shirt… or perhaps her disability… which relegated her to a wheelchair…

The thought came to mind… I wonder what her story is…? 

And the Spirit simply replied… Ask her…

My heart rate increased as I continued to walk… quickly… toward the exit…

Conviction… squeezed my chest… I can’t do that…? Please don’t make me…

Crossing the parking lot… heart fully hardened… I can’t…

But of course I could’ve… had I listened… had I obeyed… had I been more interested in walking His path… than mine…

I sat in the car… asking forgiveness…

As I confessed the rebellion… for not serving in the moment… the impression came…

I wanted to give you a gift… it wasn’t about doing something for her… it was about Me wanting to bless you with her story…

Ugh…

This was not what I expected… and I missed it…

Not all the things He calls us to are for serving others… sometimes… He calls us aside… out of our way… to give a gift…

Ugh…! I missed it…

As I struggle with the Why…? of the refusal to listen… I find places of unbelief still lurking in my heart…

I didn’t believe He prepared the way for me to talk to a complete stranger… just sit myself down next to her out of the blue… and say… Hi… I’m Carol… I’d love to hear your story…

I’m not yet where Philip was… ready to run off to a wilderness road… and at the call of the Spirit… step up alongside a carriage where a complete stranger reads the Word… and say… Do you understand…?

No I’m still too full of fear of man… to full of myself…

But today… I seem to have missed not an opportunity to bless… but to be blessed…

Ugh…!

I still don’t believe His path… the one He calls me to walk in my daily life… is filled with joy… and pleasures…

Sometimes… I still refuse to take His hand…

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:11 ESV

Still more of me needs to die… so I can fully enjoy His path of life…

What about you…?

Just think… today’s post may have been much different… instead of confession… it might’ve been a gift for you too…

Ugh…

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