Trust · Wonder

wondering… about trusting Him…

My husband asked… Have you called her today…?
and the her is our daughter…

When she and I texted two days earlier she was sick…
the same sick when we saw her two days before that…

And no… I hadn’t called her…
hadn’t been concerned about her…
but I had been praying for her…
as usual…
how I pray for all my family…
as usual…

My husband’s question makes me wonder…
Why didn’t I call her…?
why aren’t I concerned…?
am I too self-absorbed recently…?
too disconnected…?

But none of that feels true…

I wonder if this is one of the wonders about trusting Him…
not being consumed with worry… fear… anxiety…
because I’ve been there…

And he probably asked the question because he knew from past experience I would have called… several times…

But no… not now…

In the past… I would become filled with dread… when one of my children didn’t answer their phone…

But no… not now…

It’s one of the freedoms found in trusting Him…
being at rest… at peace… knowing He is better at being in charge than me…
knowing He knows what my loved ones need…
knowing He’ll let me know… if there’s something I should do…
or when I should call…

It’s a shift in my inner being…
something I thought would never change…
but He has changed it…
by His grace…
He… has… changed… me…

But by the grace of God I am what I am,
and his grace to me was not without effect.
1 Corinthians 15:10 ESV

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s