Envy · Healing · Light

envy…

Envy… the green-eyed kind…
His Light revealed some in my heart this week…

envy… painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage…

Merriam-Webster’s Online

I’ve encountered the issue before…
but I don’t know that I’ve ever named it…
envy…

And [Jesus] said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. for from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
Mark 7:20-23 ESV 
I’d rather pretend it wasn’t there…
but that’s just tucking it away in the dark…
where the enemy has room to work…
God’s shined His Light on it…
now I bring it into the light… out in the open…
like an alcoholic at AA…
Hi… my name is Carol…
and I am envious…

The odd thing is…
I don’t agree with the monster…
I know it’s wrong…
so I shed tears…
not only out of envy…
but out of grief for my brokenness…
Today I confessed to the one I envy…
she hung her head…
said… I’m sorry…

But I’m the one that’s sorry…
sorrow-full… over my own brokenness…
unable to feel joy for her…
and certainly not wanting to hinder relationship in anyway…
where she won’t share a similar opportunity…

I just knew it couldn’t stay in the dark between us…
so now that it’s named…
I seek Him…
ask Him to reveal the root…
pull it out… and bring healing…
And I look forward to rejoicing with her…
and others…
when the same thing comes up again…
because He is faithful… to… heal…
and love does not envy…
Do you have something you need to name…?
something lingering in the dark recesses of your heart…?
Go ahead… get it out in the light…
Hello… my name is _______________…
and I am ___________________________…

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