Evaluating · Selfishness · Serving

evaluating a day…

Arriving home… a loved one asked… How was your day…?

Stopping for a moment… thinking… reflecting… I shrugged and said… Fine…

Just fine…? Why just fine…? was the response I received…

Hmmm… did I really want to evaluate my day…?
It was a day where my expectations… my plans… went for the most part unmet… A day of unexpected problems… some caused by me… some not… A day of stopping what I was doing… to serve someone else in the moment… If I had to be honest… I didn’t really enjoy the day… because it didn’t go my way…

Selfishness raising its head… still so active in my heart…
Who wants to evaluate that?!

Then the loved one evaluates for me… It seems to me… that you want to be cared for… I see it cause I’ve felt it… I recognized it in you last night… it kind of made me laugh…

Great…

And Scripture is quoted to me…

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4 ESV
Then a commentary given… Those who mourn will be comforted… at least those who have a legitimate reason for mourning… but when we want to be cared for… that’s not ever what we get…
And I don’t speak it out loud… but verses come to my mind too…
“Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep
say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once 
and recline at table’? Will he not rather say to him,
‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me
while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink’?
Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded?
So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say,
‘We are unworthy servants, we have only done what was our duty.'”
Luke 17:7-10 ESV
See what happens when you evaluate your day…?
I see clearly my selfishness… pettiness…
and I see Him smiling shaking His head…
like you do at a toddler who stamps their feet…
And I have to smile too…
properly rebuked…
heart turned to repentance… (again…)
grateful for His perspective…
and the one who caused me to evaluate my day…
Lord… I am an unworthy servant…
You have done more for me than I could ever deserve…
Fill me with the joy of serving You… doing my duty…
Quench my desire to be served…

PS…
Reminded of a song I’ve heard multiple times in the last week…
a song that reflects the desire of my heart…
so opposite of where my flesh leads me…

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